Waking up today morning, I decided to read through my documents on the PC and boom I landed on what I call my 26th year book. This is where I documented all the birthday messages I received this year. It was a wow moment reading them all! There and then I was hit by the fact that many people me inclusive struggle with allowing to be loved on. I just could not believe that these people actually wrote all these about me. I even texted my friend about the same issue telling her that if people meant all they wrote then I have got some lovers out there! You notice that the “if” in my statement clearly states that I am not sure of their love, God forgive me.
Thoughts then kept running in my mind on why I act like that most of the time. Just so you know, however much I love others to like 100%, I have been struggling when it comes to allowing to be loved on. My guards are like way up there and you have to be a strong man to bring them down. I am that kind of person who will literally question why someone is being too nice to me or why you are giving me a gift. It is so serious that even my twin noticed and I remember him telling me on my pre birthday lunch to learn to be open to love. I noted it then and all through these months I have been assessing my life and realized it exists mob time in my life and I have vowed to change. I am learning to let loose and be loved.
Surprisingly, deep down in my heart I am that lovely queen who loves to be spoiled for heaven but the guards I have put around me are for world cup. I am like that cartoon saying that I shall get into your heart but just do not tamper entering mine. I am so sure I have sisters and brothers out there who have experienced the same or are simply living in denial. I invite you to shift seats and join me on this bus of enjoying life.
Henceforth, from my story and other research, I have discovered that one of the deepest causes of such mannerisms is the fear of the unknown. We tend to fear getting hurt in the process of us being vulnerable to others. In addition, our past hurts starting from childhood also have a strong influence on how we perceive the people we let close to our hearts. We avoid getting intimate with others because it stirs up old feelings of hurt, loss, broken promises, anger or rejection. For example, I can really assess someone before I date them, he can testify.
Furthermore, I also discovered that there is this silent fear of losing people based on the thought that the more we have, the more we have to lose. The more someone means to us, the more afraid we are of losing that person. When we find love, we not only face the challenge of losing our partner but we become more aware of our mortality. Our life now holds more value and meaning, so the thought of losing it becomes more frightening. In attempt to cover over this fear, we may focus on superficial concerns, picking up small fights or even sometimes giving up on the relationship.
Some of us also repel love because we think this comes with us losing some parts of our identity which can be scary. I for one have experienced this, there is just some potential friend I really avoided mainly because the person was so loud and loved talking a lot something I felt would take my peace away given that I am that quiet babe who loves her silence and space. I was scared of losing myself in trying to adjust to that person’s loud environment and I had no option but to repel their love ‘bambi’.
Therefore, today I write out to that person who is probably on the same boat I was on telling you that there is hope and you can actually open up to being loved given that you were created for love.
Quoting my friend Clare, “Allowing to be loved on is an important part of life. Sometimes, you have to stop yourself and tell God that you accept His love.” She thinks the best solution is to bask in God’s love so that the one from people is basically an overflow and I agree with this thought. God’s love is unconditional making it a good foundation to start from.
We were created to and for love. Therefore, let nothing stop us from enjoying the love of God that surrounds us even through His people. Remember, perfect love drives out fear. With faith, let us switch on our love antennas and let love flow. Even when we get hurt, let us continue to love and be loved because He first loved us and it is healthy. Love is a leap of faith and therefore all you need is to live your life the way you should.
Let us go out there and allow to be loved on knowing that God has our backs. Allow those gifts joyfully, allow to be helped with that tough assignment, let them carry your bag if they request to, allow to be hugged, taken out for a meal, take a walk in the park with them, go for that charity gig or movie with them among others. Just allow to be spoiled for heaven!
God is love and so are we. One of the bravest thing you can do is to allow yourself to love and to be loved.
There are plenty of things in life that are worth fearing and avoiding. LOVE is not one of them. Do not be the person who regrets not taking a risk. Allow yourself to love and be loved.
Choose love at all times!
LOVE AND ALLOW TO BE LOVED!