Day 21: I chose to live -2

#Week5 #Storytelling #Live

Welcome to Week 5 in the WinterABC 2021 challenge and this week we are simply telling stories

Today I continue to share Part 2 of the I chose to live story. Part 1 can be found here in case you missed it👏👏👏

Part 2;

Choosing to live saw me finish high school miraculously, started working casually and later fell in love with a beautiful gentle man.

My relationship with my beautiful gentleman was all bliss till it hit hard rocks and got shuttered.
As the relationship shuttered, my heart too shuttered to bits. The strong side of me tried to contain all the pain and let no one know what was happening.
Only our close friends knew but each time they asked me how I was , I told them that I was ok and managing even though I could not help it but question myself on where I went wrong and why earth did not wish me well; during my alone time. I could not believe I had lost the love (which I thought was for a lifetime) just like that. Each day I woke up to no text or call from him my heart sunk deep but I still convinced myself that there was hope.

Because I had hope, I tried to fight for my love by seeking for another chance but it seemed fuzzy and like a dream, I still believed in miracles. The dude had moved on at least from what my spirit gathered but I chose to ignore that and run with what my mind was telling me. He kept replying to my texts and this lously gave me some hope. I believed that some day he would turn around and take me back.

Years passed and it all yielded nothing. I therefore requested to meet with him so that I could hear his final say and thanks to God he agreed. He chose the venue and all I did was to show up from wherever I was and it was while there that he finally assured me for the nth time that it was over between us. This hit me harder than the first time like a tornado and I remember going back home with a broken heart. For the first time I believed that it was totally over because I read it in every word he said and hug he gave me. I remember crying the whole remaining nights of that week.

Thanks to the much hurt and crying, I slid into a silent depression. I never told anyone about it mainly because at that time I had many people who were depending on my strength so breaking them was the last thing I could do. Slowly I lost appetite and reduced on sharing about my personal life. It was also then that I let my friends know that it was over between me and the guy they knew. They asked me how I was feeling and I told them that I was fine.
Interestingly, none of them really tried to reach out to me to like take me to the beach or eat things I love just to calm me down. None asked me the hard questions and this allowed me to safely hide in my silent depression. They later (after a year) told me that to them I looked like I was managing the heartbreak well and did not need help.

The dire situation went on for many months to an extent that one day I woke up and thought of leaving planet earth and go to paradise. I was basically tired of living in pain because it felt like it was what was happening to me right from childhood. At that time, my heart had forgotten about all the battles God had won for me and my body dwelt more on the pain and how my heart had been shuttered. I tried going to buy poison but ended up buying milk.😂

Later that month, I (still with my evil thoughts of wanting to exit planet earth) met with my friend who had offered to buy me lunch because I had asked for it. While we were eating, I told him about the fact that I was tired of life. He however reminded me of the dreams I had always had and assured me that I shall achieve them. He seemed too convinced that I shall win in life and it was his strong assurance that got me appreciating life. I remember telling myself that I should at least live to celebrate life victories with this friend of mine because he was really convinced about my future. Just like that, I once chose to live.

Watch out for Part 3 tomorrow as we conclude the WinterABC 2021 challenge… 

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I love you

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I am the Lioness Arising
©Words from the Pot

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