#Week5 #Storytelling #Live
Choosing to live saw me start to manifest the woman that I had fully discovered I was. I vowed to intentionally pursue my goals and life purpose.
I continued to serve in ministry with my church, go for research each time projects showed up, volunteer with different organisations, love on people and raise leaders.
Life seemed like it was shifting until 2020 when i was hit by hailstones of thoughts. Thoughts of discouragement and disappointment. I was discouraged by the fact that I was not yet at a financial level I had envisioned that I would be at (Ps: this had totally nothing to do with the pandemic).
I was bothered by the fact that I could not buy myself what I needed and had not much to help other people meet their needs too. Each time someone called me for help and I was unable to help, I shed tears…
These thoughts of limitations and the pain of not freely helping people made me feel purposeless to an extent that I started getting panic attacks and before I knew it, I slid into the depression docket again. Thoughts bombarded my mind like grenades till I one day thought of the idea of leaving planet earth given that I thought I was of no use. Like why live if I can’t buy mere airtime for someone…🤔🤔🤔
Therefore, on one hot afternoon after meeting with my team leader, while I was walking on the streets of the capital city , I decided to just rush into the road and call it off. Low and behold, the Angel of God stopped the car. Like, the driver stopped the car and waved at me to cross properly. I remember returning home pissed at the fact that my plans were sabotaged hence talked to no one at home till later at night.
It was actually coming to midnight when my mum and siblings asked me what was wrong with me thanks to the my silence that did the reporting. I had no option but to painfully tell them the whole story of what I was experiencing that whole month of June. My family is my safest space and trust them to show up. After listening to the story, they all reminded me of how important I am, showed me all the things I was doing for others that are a blessing and reminded me of my life purpose(this one they couldn’t leave it out, they always jold me accountable).This pushed me to rethink my decisions and view life through God’s lens. They even cracked jokes and we laughed. We later ended the night with prayer and I slept peacefully with a better heart. My hope had been resurrected.✅✅✅
I woke up feeling alive and happy. I was happy because my body was pain free and my mind was taking a chill.
I resumed listening to my sermons that I had saved in my phone but with more intent on living. Later, I met with my friend who I later told of my mean thoughts of wanting to leave planet earth. I call them mean because I had not told anyone about them and had they happened, I would have robbed of the earth of the too much greatness I carry.
My friend reminded me that my life matters and that I am actually living my purpose. I remember her telling the things she admires about me that I do. This opened my heart once again to choose to live.
Towards the end of that year, while I was doing my annual evaluation, it was then that I got a revelation of the fact that depression usually hit me hard during the month of June. After that revelation, I chose to declare life into my bones and asked God to grant me a Peaceful life throughout my years that I am left with to live.
And indeed God heard my prayer, this year has so far been one of my most happy years. I have not had my peace distorted at all.
On my birthday, a friend declared that this shall be my best year as he prayed for me. He did not know what he did, but He basically confirmed what I had been declaring since January. And indeed My best years are ahead and I am always ascending.
Depression and it’s sisters, I can faithful say I overcame in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. I purpose to choose to live till God calls me home.
The moral of this story is to first of all highlight the fact that depression is real and sometimes it gets suicidal. Secondly, to encourage someone out there to always choose life anytime options show up. Choose to live regardless! Your life matters and better days are ahead.
PS: I never went for professional therapy because I believe there is no better counselor than the Word of God in whatever form. I also was sure that those depressions were more spiritual than physical and I only needed to fight them spiritually.
My advice to you though is that you seek professional help when depression over stays even after you have tried all methods to heal it.
Thank you all for participating in this blogging challenge in your different capacities. I honor you and 🥂🥂🥂 to doing more life with you. Also remember to check out the Afrobloggers website – the hosts of the challenge and follow them on Twitter for all things creative.
I love you
I am the Lioness Arising
©Words from the Pot